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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


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My Abortion: A Paradox of Emotions

United States


A Abortion is Cruel

Letters to the Editor
Catholic News of Western New York
November 6, 1987


Recently I received a copy of a Letter to the Editor printed in a Utica, N.Y. newspaper. The writer tried to justify the practice of abortion, to defend "Planned Parenthood" and to obscure the fact that they are the biggest promoter of abortion in the country and world. Inexplicably the newspaper refused to print a letter I had written them in reply. I, consequently, would like to inform as many New Yorkers as possible of my personal experience with abortion and with "Planned Parenthood".

I used to believe, as the Planned Parenthood advocate does now, that abortion was an answer to child abuse, world hunger and overpopulation.. I swallowed all of Planned Parenthood's deceptive lies. I even acted on the advice I was given by Planned Parenthood 13 years ago; I had two abortions. And yes, Planned Parenthood does advocate abortion.

Is abortion cruel? Is it a good alternative to an unintended pregnancy? Before I answer these questions, let me take you through some of the pain I've experienced because of my abortions.

Imagine, if you will, the cruelest joke anyone could play on you and realizing after the fact that you had partaken in a crime that went against every moral fiber in your body , yet you had been deceived into believing it was your right to participate in this act. Planned Parenthood is a master at deception and through a sex education program in my high school, they were able to alter my life forever.

About 6 years ago, when I finally stopped burying the truth deep within me and admitted what I had done; when the realities of abortion came flooding in, I looked at it all with grim horror and it almost shattered my world. (I say almost because I had the Lord to lean on for strength). I can't even begin to tell you how sharp and cutting the pain was; it came in waves and consumed my days. My whole body and soul ached because a part of me died, not once but twice. I had killed two of my children.

I kept having this reoccurring nightmare where I would find myself sitting on the abortionist's operating table, only this time I get up and walk away. I dreamed about two babies and although I could never see their faces, I could hear their screams, see them writhing in pain and I could not help them. Many nights I cried myself to the point of exhaustion and at times, I found myself crying out to my babies, begging them to forgive me.

The valley I have walked through has been very dark and incredibly lonely. You see, often when a woman comes to terms with her abortion, she cannot easily share her grief even with those close to her because, at the same time, she is also filled with shame and guilt. It is hard to overcome the grief because you don't have the emotional support of loved ones; there are no funerals, no gravestones, no fond memories that bring you comfort. It is a paradox of emotions, on one hand you feel such sorrow for your child and on the other you feel death. This is why it is hard to ask for comfort and forgiveness.

I have also suffered from physical problems, an abortion, miscarriages, a difficult pregnancy, infertility and just recently I was treated for cervical cancer.

Today I am able to talk about my pain although it still hurts, and probably always will. I know I am forgiven. I know, too, that my children are safe in my Lord's loving arms and that someday I will see them again. If it had not been for Jesus and His faithfulness I sometimes think the blackness would have swallowed me up.

Is abortion cruel? Don't tell me it is not until you've walked in my shoes awhile or until you ask my dead babies how it felt to be torn apart and tossed away like so much garbage..

I urge, no, I beg any young women contemplating abortion please, choose life! There are no easy answers, but abortion is never the solution. Choosing life will reward you, choosing death only brings more pain and suffering.

To those women who have had abortions and suffer in silence like I did, I urge you to talk about it to someone who cares. The enemy wants you to remain silent so they can continue lining their pockets with blood money.

A Voice for the Unborn,



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