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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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I began to resent and almost hate the father

United States

I began to resent and almost hate the father

I was 20 years old, a junior in college. When I found out I was pregnant I went to the only school counselor at this small college. When I told her my situation, she almost immediately gave me literature on abortion clinics and was very encouraging toward abortion. I barely thought of other options. A girlfriend who was supportive through this was encouraging abortion as the best thing. The father didnt consider anything else as I told him I was pregnant and needed an abortion. He paid for it but wasnt present. We had just broken up before I found out that I was pregnant.

The clinic said it wouldnt be painful --  just like menstrual cramps. What a lie! I cried and almost screamed a few times, but they told me not to make noise because I would scare the others that were waiting. As soon as it was over, as I sat in the recovery room, I felt like I was dying -- physically. That passed after awhile, but the next day, I felt like I was dying emotionally. I hated myself for what I had done, and felt such emptiness that I had never experienced before or since then.

I began to resent and almost hate the father. We had started dating again and it was never the same. I kept throwing it in his face and was actually trying to get him to feel bad about what we had done, but I dont think he ever did. After on and off dating, I broke it off for good. Four days after the abortion, I got a headache that lasted all day, non-stop for about 2 months and then started letting up only occasionally throughout the day. My grades dropped drastically. I couldnt concentrate at all anymore on studies or pay attention in class. My mind was never on any particular thought -- I wasnt concentrating on anything. My friendship with my supportive girlfriend fell apart, too. Although I didnt realize it at the time, I didnt want to be around her or even look at her, for she reminded me of what I had done, and I resented her. These thoughts werent conscious at the time, I just felt uncomfortable around her and didnt know why.

Around the time that would have been my due date, I went to a Crisis Pregnancy Center with a friend for a pregnancy test. We watched a documentary about abortion and my heart broke as I became aware of the reality of what I had done. The counselor at the CPC got me in contact with another woman who had had an abortion. She was a Christian who led a PAS support group. She talked with me and prayed with me and I began attending the support group. Through that group and working through the book that accompanies it, I have come through major healing. But, most of all, my healing is through Jesus Christ -- He loved me, forgave, helped me forgive myself and the others involved. I know I would not have progressed through healing and moving on with my life without His help.

The abortion almost destroyed my college education. Fortunately, I got help in time and salvaged it, although my education has suffered damage. Through the experience of my mistake, I now share with others who are considering abortion to try and persuade them to not make the same horrible mistake I did. I am now a counselor at a CPC and continue in the support group. I now have such a respect for life that I never had before. I have been a Christian practically all my life, but during the time around my abortion, I didnt have a very close walk with the Lord, but as a result of my healing,  I have peace now and the anticipation of someday seeing my child that Ive never seen.



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