a personal story ... Doris

The process of recovering from a miscarriage can be very complex. Anyone who has been through it understands what I mean. The physical healing occurs quickly but the emotional healing can take a lifetime. I am recovering from my fourth miscarriage.

After a follow up visit to my doctor after my third miscarriage, there was a note that someone had left on my van that said "My life, my right, my decision,"- at least I know that person read my pro-life bumper stickers, but did it have any impact? All I could do was cry, knowing that my baby who was so much loved and wanted had died, and that a woman was going to kill her child because she didn't want it -- probably because the baby was considered an inconvenience and was going to drastically change her life.

Had I felt the way this mother felt 5 years ago, my life would be very empty right now. I found myself single and pregnant at a time when my career was very important to me and I had no plans of having children. While at the doctor's office, when I found out I was pregnant, the doctor asked if I wanted to terminate the pregnancy. Fortunately, God led me the right way. My (now) husband never hesitated in letting me know that he wanted the baby and wanted to get married. Two months later we were married and our son was born December, 1993. Had I chosen a different path and had an abortion, due to the inconvenience to my career and my life, I would have no children at this point in my life.

We don't know if we will have a second chance to have another child, but if not, we will accept what God has chosen for us. Maybe my story is intended to help someone who is in a similar situation - to help them make the right decision- maybe they won't get a second chance to have children when they think the time is right.

Each of my 4 children that died was loved and wanted. At the time of their death, they were each given names (Danielle Marie; Daniel Reed; Angela Renae; David Joseph) and they are included in our prayers every day. They had souls from the time of conception and I know they're in heaven helping the babies who were unwanted by their mothers. My son calls them the "baby angels".

Pretending to not be angry about the loss of my 4 children wouldn't be fair, but focusing this anger in the right direction is the right thing to do. God has helped show me how to do this. The unmerciful killing of innocent children through abortion is where I've learned to focus my anger. My husband and I are involved in pro-life activities as much as we can - in small ways we let our views be known - displaying bumper stickers, using pro-life checks, participating in pro-life activities, saying rosaries in front of a local abortion clinic. We believe our efforts are helping, even if they seem small. I wear a "precious feet" pin on my suit lapel to work everyday. When people ask about it, I don't hesitate to take a few minutes to explain as much as they will listen to.

Although I could sit here and feel sorry for myself or get angry with God for taking my child, I have chosen to reflect on the positives in my life. I am married to a wonderful man and have a beautiful 4 year old son. I thank God daily for allowing them to be a part of my life.