When I decided last winter to heal from an abortion I chose over 24 years ago, I had no idea what God had in store for me. I embarked on a difficult journey of opening old wounds. I had an abortion for my own selfish reasons. I wasn't ready to be a mother. It would be too inconvenient. And, I cared too much what people thought of me.
Although I have always remembered vivid details about my procedure, I had buried my pain so deep I didn't even feel it. I didn't even know it existed. And yet, I never considered how the abortion had really affected me, changing the person I would become. Anger and bouts of depression became part of who I was. I became a controlling and manipulative person. The only emotion I did feel back then was nervousness, a fear of the unknown. After the abortion, a wave of relief came over me. My "problem" was over. No more worries.
So, hard work was required for me to be healed, forgiven and set free. A post-abortion Bible study did all these things for me. And, the freedom I experienced then grows every time I speak out about my experience . . . I am choosing to be silent no more!
When I shared that journey of healing with other women, I became aware that more than just the women who choose abortion live a nightmare. My daughter has a sister. My parents have a granddaughter. My sister has a niece. My husband has a step-daughter.
I thank God every day that my daughter, Helen Elizabeth, is safe in His arms. As I realized my little girl had been restored and is now alive in heaven, I began asking God to show me others who are impacted for the rest of their lives, in ways I could never understand. After all, I never understood why I'd changed. It never occurred to me the abortion had made my life miserable. I had been told it would be the solution to all my problems.
Once my focus shifted to others, I received the deepest heartfelt burden of my life. I have come to know and genuinely care about a man who has performed more abortions than even he could count. He lives in a self-imposed prison of alcoholism and self-denial. The demons that reside in him are not willing to give up without a fight. I have chosen to help this doctor fight this battle, one day at a time. I pray with and for him. I care about his eternal resting place. And, I often envision him becoming one of God’s chosen children, using his new life to speak out against abortion and what it does to every single soul that participates in the murder of little lives.
God has placed deep inside me a heart for this doctor and other medically trained people who have helped women murder their own children. I intend to fight for these doctors to receive the healing they so desperately need. My determination to be a vital and visible part of the work of ending abortion is not just for the lives of women who are forever changed. I will support the healing of every person who has been tormented and tortured for their role in this epidemic of infanticide.
If you are a woman who has experienced abortion, a doctor participated in your abortion. These men and women need our prayers. They need our love. They need us to reach out our hands and encourage them to heal from the wounds they may not even see or feel, on the surface. I believe so strongly that once we are healed and on a journey of freedom, we have a responsibility to help the others who are in need of that same healing and that same freedom. That's why I am silent no more!