I was young when I became pregnant – seventeen and not yet graduated from high school.  I had so many dreams about my future then. There were no spiritual teachings in my immediate family, and all I could think about is how much of a burden I would be to everyone around me and how embarrassing it would be to go to school with a large belly. The men in my life (my boyfriend, my dad) suddenly became very unavailable. They avoided me and the “problem." My mother took on the role of “Whatever you decide to do” and the “It’s your decision alone” stance. 

Knowing what I know now a question screams out in my brain: Why did all the people in the process of my abortion not give me all the facts to make “my” decision properly? Even though I received no words of love like “It will be fine”  or “You can make this work”, I should have at least been educated on the prenatal process and told where my baby was in that development. How can a young girl make a decision if the people around her are silent or worse, in the case of the Women’s Clinic – those offering to help - only present the Pro-Choice side?

I was herded through the process with eight to ten other women who were with me through each stage from their pitiful idea of counseling to undressing. We were told about the “process” with a mighty emphasis was on how easy the procedure was and how it would all be “over” within that day. Their words were lies masked in a form of biased education.

I was ushered into the surgery room, fourth or fifth in line and put up on the table.  The doctor said that he could not do the abortion because I was too far along. I was then led to another room by a nurse that gave me a sonogram which was shielded from my view. When I asked what the procedure was she told me that they were measuring the fetus to see how far along I was. I did not know what a sonogram was. I was not told that I could see a picture of what was growing inside me. I was surprised when there were pictures in my folder.  I asked about them and she told me they were pictures, but when I asked to see them I was strongly encouraged against it. I insisted and she said she was worried that I would “torture myself over them." I viewed them despite her warnings – they did not look like anything at all. Later I found out they were close up shots of the femur, and obviously if one is not told what they are looking at how is one to understand?

I ended up aborting my baby at 22 weeks the next day. I had been told that there would be a tugging sensation, but not told that it was the doctor pulling my baby apart limb from limb to remove her from my womb. In fact I was not told many things:

• That my baby was already a boy or girl.

• That my baby had fingers and toes

• That my baby could feel pain

• That there were people who truly wanted to help me with other options and that they could be easily contacted

All these were points in my abortion process that could have given me the education and ability to make a better decision. But they were withheld because of someone else’s ideology that women should have a choice. I correct these people:  There is no “Choice” for women if they are not given the proper tools to make an informed decision. There is no true understanding of one option without fully understanding the opposite option.

From my experience in 1987, I cry for AT LEAST these changes to be made at the Abortion Clinics:

1. COMPLETE education of the prenatal process

2. Information about Pro-Life and its point-of view

3. Distribution of names and numbers of local pro-life agencies 

4. A waiting period after this information has been received for reflection and to give the woman the time to make her own choice.

I believe that if women truly understood what they were deciding, and were given the chance to make an EDUCATED choice, many more would choose not to abort. I call for education and for all women who have had an abortion to tell of the anguish the “pro-choice” decision can cause.

It has been 18 years since my abortion, and I am only just beginning to heal.  Part of that healing comes from being “Silent No More." I refuse to hide my shame and in turn protect “Pro-Choice” propaganda.