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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion
 

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Freedom from My Dark Secret
Patricia
Connecticut, United States

English Version

Thirty-one years ago, I was 17 and pregnant. I was frightened and did not want to ruin my reputation at home, church and school. 

Believing that I was sufficiently competent to get myself out my own problems, I went to Planned Parenthood for help.  They assured me that a minor without any money could receive an abortion and that the result would be no worse than having a monthly period.

I went to the abortion clinic and experienced the following: 

First, I had to say that I did not know who the father was in order for the state of California to pay for the abortion; otherwise, they would seek payment from the father.  That was the first lie.  My self-worth was shattered as I claimed to be promiscuous in order to receive a free abortion.

Second, I felt like a non-person as the staff hurriedly processed me and no one ever inquired as to how I was doing.   As soon as I was coherent, they gave me verbal instructions and sent me on my way.  The next day I experienced the second lie, when I passed a piece of the baby’s body that had not been suctioned out.  I knew then that this could never be rationalized as a heavy period; but rather, I had snuffed out the life of my baby.

I carried the shame, regret and sadness of that event throughout my life.  My self-esteem hit rock bottom and depression was an ever-present companion.  At times I felt suicidal and unworthy of any good things. 

I was eventually able to receive and experience forgiveness that only Christ can give.  It was by appropriating His redemptive power into my life that I was fully forgiven.  However, freedom from this dark secret came when I was able to share my horrible pain with my family.  My abortion has left a scar that will always be there when I think of whom my child could have been; however, I am now free of its painful grip upon my life. 

I want people to know that abortion always hurts the woman that chooses to undergo it as an answer to an unplanned pregnancy, and that is why I am silent no more.

To view Patricia's testimony on YouTube, click here.

Spanish Version

Me llamo Patricia Spruance y  hace 31 anos  que tuve un aborto  a los 17 anos.  Cuando supe que estaba en cinta yo estaba asustada y temí a arruinar mi reputación en mi hogar, la iglesia y en el colegio. 

Creyéndome suficiente madura para solucionar mis propios problemas, fui al centro de salud  de Planned Parenthood.  Ellos me aseguraron que podría conseguir un aborto sin permiso de mis padres y sin dinero, ya que era menor de edad y estudiante.  También digieren que el proceso sería nada más serio que tener el periodo menstrual.

Yo fui a la clínica y esta fue a mi experiencia: 

Primero, para que el estado de California pague el aborto, yo tuve que decir que no sabía quién eral el papa, si no ellos hubieron colectado el pago del padre de mi bebe.  Esta fue la primera mentira que me causo mucho dolor propio al tener que fingir ser promiscua.

Segundo, en la clínica me sentí como una maquina sin que nadie le importe como me estaba sintiendo.  Una vez que desperté del aborto, me despacharon con unas pocas recomendaciones.  Al siguiente día la segunda mentira ocurrió cuando yo pase un pedazo del cuerpito de mi bebe que no había sido succionado.  No podía negar la realidad de lo que había ocurrido y presumir que esto era nada más que un periodo menstrual.  Cuando yo la realidad del momento me gritaba que yo había tomado la vida de mi criatura.

Yo  he llevado toda me vida la vergüenza, arrepentimiento y tristeza de ese día.  Muchas veces me encontré deprimida y sintiendo que yo no tenía valor y para que seguir viviendo. 

Mi estado de mente y emociones fueron afectado directamente por la pérdida de vida que yo había causado.

Hoy doy gracias por lo que Cristo ha logrado en mi vida.  El me perdona mis pecados y promete nunca abandonarme.  He sido perdonada por Dios ya lo sé.   Pero la oportunidad de sentirme libre de este secreto  tan  destructivo vino cuando confesé mi experiencia ha mi familia.  El aborto dejo una cicatriz que siempre me recuadrara de un hijo que nunca nació; sin embargo, ahora estoy verdaderamente libre del dolor debilitante que lleve por tantos años.

Quiero que entiendan que el aborto siempre lastima la mujer que piensa que es una solución para un embarazo problemático.  Y por eso no puedo quedarme en silencio sobre el tema del aborto.


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