I’m David from San Antonio, Texas.
I participated in my first abortion in 1989 when my girlfriend, who I was having an adulterous affair with, became pregnant with, another man because I would not leave my wife for her. She informed me of her crisis pregnancy to see what my reaction would be.
I knew I could not allow myself to be the father of an illegitimate child. However, since I wanted to continue my physical relationship with this young woman I told her I would be the man the baby’s father could not be and helped her with her decision to abort the unwanted child.
I remember everything about that hot, ugly, humid, dark summer day. I watched as she slowly walked from the death room of the abortuary. Before we got in the car she started to vomit and she told me she had acute abdominal pain. She was bleeding, but they told her that was to be expected. All I wanted to do was escape and get away from her and the entire situation. I felt fearful yet liberated; I realized how low I could actually go. I fell into acute depression, alcoholism, and increased my drug use. I had multiple adulterous affairs with depravity of all sorts. I had a drive for money and power. I felt the more wealthy and powerful I became, the more distance I could putting between me and my past. No matter how well I dressed and who I pretended to be, my hideous past was right there with me. In my despair I had violent mood swings.
One year later, when she became pregnant again, this time it was my child. My fury was unparalleled. I viciously dragged her to an abortuary that she went running out of. I thought she was lying about being pregnant to trap me into leaving my wife and marrying her. The reality was I did not want to share or sacrifice anything, my time my money with anyone not even a baby.
I remember that day, the abortuary was packed with women; she was crying, I did not react. When the baby was dead, I dropped her at her townhouse, returned to my house and asked my wife what was for dinner. I tried to pretend that everything was normal. It wasn’t long after that before I hit rock bottom and checked myself into a rehab center.
When I was released, I knew that I needed more help. I immediately went to confession with a Catholic Priest. It took three (3) consecutive days to complete my confession. But I still thought I knew better than God. Even though I had received absolution for my sins, I couldn’t accept God’s forgiveness. It wasn’t until a year and a half later that God blessed me with the grace to finally accept his mercy and begin this long and painful process of healing.
Today with the Spiritual Gifts of Rachel’s Vineyard and everything that has been part of God’s healing process for me I now have the Peace that surpasses all understanding and through this JOY, I am willing to BE SILENT NO MORE!