Thank you for reading…

(Sadly . . . Planned Parenthood practices killing unborn babies. Planned Parenthood is highly dependent on donations and is supported by money given for this atrocity -- money from killing more than 300,000 unborn babies every year.)

… all the money and things in the world does not take away the sadness and hurt of the abortion I had when I was a young teenager in the year 1975; I am now 53.The cruelty to women and young girls’ minds continue with the lies that are told to each of them. At that painful time of my life, I was not told the exact truth from the family planning program of what was going to happen during the procedure. They kept the fact from me that I was stopping the growth of my first born and instead they expressed that it was still early in the pregnancy and it was all minor. That the procedure would not take long and I would be okay and I would continue on going to school as I did the day before. They expressed how it was the right thing to do because I was still in high school. There were not any pictures or films to watch but only the shallow words from Family Planning. I was young and my mind was thinking only of being relieved from my pregnancy so I would not have to tell anyone, especially my mother. My high school boyfriend drove me to the abortion clinic in Fresno, California and it was done in one gloomy morning. That afternoon I was back at my after-school job and noticed in the bathroom the remains of the procedure. The whole experience of the abortion was fast and upsetting; I remember: all I was able to do was cry.

Instead of Planned Parenthood guiding me by counseling that could help me to realize what was to be happening to me and my baby, they guided me through the steps of killing my baby in my own blindness. I was only 4 - 6 weeks along and nothing was discussed about the procedure. I was young and I treated it as the appointment that helped me to hide my shame of being pregnant from my parents and friends. Years later, I did confess my sinfulness (Catholic) but still did not realize the magnitude of the wrong because years later I watched a pro-life film and the reality of the abortion became so real and upsetting to me.

I have lived with the lies for most of my adult years and “back-burnered” the abortion I had once made in 1975, to again confronting head-on after realizing through a pro-life film that I saw on a bus trip to Medjugore. (GOD has his ways.) This was in the year 2004 and I then stopped suddenly in my tracks and realized through that pro-life film what had really happened to my baby and me in the year 1975. That day on the bus was a very devastating day for me. I had never seen a film like that one before and that made it all very real to me. I felt an overwhelming sadness and went back to my home in California and talked to my parish priest and soon after signed up for a retreat with Rachel's Vineyard. The healing began for me with GOD's grace.

It is never, ever too late for us to be awakened by our sinfulness, mixed-up decision making, stubbornness, or whatever is that remains the obstacle that we continue to kick around. I have been thanking GOD every day since and grateful that GOD loves me more than I can ever figure out. My goodness...I want that for all. Life is only good with Jesus walking with us.

We can only be filled of good with GOD and not away from Him. GOD IS THE CREATOR OF ALL. I believe that whole heartedly and it is in my soul. It is that simple, we cannot play this out acting like we are controllers of creation. This is highly dangerous and the opposite of the love that GOD has for us.

Life is deceitful when we are guided by the opposite of life and love that has been given to us. We cannot continue to fall victim into the traps of destruction. Yes, bad things happen and circumstances happen to people as not planned; we cannot play GOD or make decisions that end lives because of our own reasons, selfish or not. 

I mentioned earlier in this letter that I experienced all of that with my high school boyfriend. I later became pregnant with my second child at the age of 19 and still with the boyfriend of my dreams. We married and he continued to pursue his career and we had two more children within eight years. My marriage did not survive because of many complications from sin that is directed towards marriage. I was married to my high school sweetheart and professional baseball pitcher, Bob Ojeda. My name is Tammy and we have four children between us and still to this day…I regret my abortion. I try to remember every day about my first baby, Joseph—I will never forget him. There is a lot of pain in the aftermath of it all …and the memory stays; the love from my first baby is still planted in my soul. I love my baby, my first born, who I know was a little boy and I have named him Joseph James. I try everyday to remember.

I will share this with you because I care for others like me. I have known pain in my day (like most others). As I said, I was married and my marriage fell into the dump because of the lack of faith to keep it together. Life continued on for me and I can look back now and say that GOD was always with me going through it all. He guided me through each step and when I messed up, he waited for me.

I find it very easy to take off and be alone in the mountains. But anywhere will do -- to get away alone for myself. I suggest you take off and go and spend some time alone in the mountains, at the beach, wherever you fancy and be with GOD and for me also to be with my son.  Be alone and think about the beauty and the creation of our families and world.

Dear God:  Many do not realize and are blind to your love for many reasons that You only know about. Please help Family Planning and all responsible to be open and tap into the creation and oneness of the spirit of life and love.

Do you think we have all of this on earth because of our own will -- no GOD has given all to us that is good and when we mess up making bad decisions or are totally mixed up -- he still is waiting patiently for us, all of us. We are HIS; HIS Children. This may be hard to accept, but it is true. We cannot play GOD and make the kind of decisions that harm humanity. This is very hurtful for the mothers, fathers, victims, and babies. There are many victims who have regrets of their abortion that hurt them each and every day. (There are many who will someday realize.) There are so many that are so sorry for their abortion and they cannot undo the damage and have to live in the aftermath of pain and sadness for their baby.
GOD loves each and all and will wait for them also like He did for me.

I could write pages and pages about my life, but one truth is certain in my life ---  GOD gave us His Son Jesus to walk in our world in the flesh to demonstrate the one act of kindness that we have such a hard time achieving and that is simply to LOVE each other. That is all we have to do. GOD made all and is in all that is Good. I want to be part of God’s goodness on this earth forever and as long as he calls me to do so.

Only with Love from GOD,

Sincerely, Tammy