It is sobering to stand before you and confess the most serious sin I ever committed. When I was sixteen years old, I met Steven Tyler at a rock concert in Portland, Oregon. We began a three year relationship that ended in a horrific abortion. I was at least five months pregnant and Steven coerced me into undergoing a saline abortion while I was in a hospital recovering from a fire that nearly claimed my life. Originally he had asked me to marry him.
I was happy and excited to have my baby. Then he approached me in while I was in the hospital and said I needed to have an abortion. At first I resisted him but after several hours I agreed to the abortion in fear after he threatened to send me away. I was forced to choose between Steven and my baby and I made the wrong choice. He said everything would be fine if I would agree to the abortion. The doctor prepared me for the abortion by telling me to "hold very still or you could be killed or injured". Before I could ask what he meant he had stabbed my stomach with a needle and began injecting the saline. I remember gasping in shock and disbelief and wondering how had I ended up in this house of horrors. Nothing was ever the same between Steven and I after that terrible day. I could never look at him again without remembering that we had aborted our baby.
Within a year I returned home a broken spirit filled with a sense of grief and loss. I felt as though a part of me had died on the day my baby's life was taken in that abortion. I had terrible nightmares that would wake me up reliving the abortion. After attending a church retreat I turned to God for healing and the courage to try to rebuild my life. I was baptized and confessed my abortion to God, asking for his mercy and forgiveness. I attended a Rachel's Vineyard retreat where I experienced God's healing grace and the hope of his mercy.
To a woman who has had an abortion I would like to say that no matter how far we have fallen from grace, God's mercy is greater than our worst sin.
To a woman who is considering an abortion I would say, stop...think again...and choose life. Abortion is never the answer. Abortion makes everything worse. I will grieve the loss of my son Michael every day of my life. I wish I could go back and choose life for him. I wish I could have watched him grow to be the man God created him to be.
I cannot go back... but I can be Silent No More about the sincere regret I feel for my abortion. I cannot go back...but I can embrace life today and declare that my role as a mother to my seven children is the greatest gift God has ever given me. I cannot go back... but I can be a voice today, inviting those who have been wounded by abortion to turn to God with their whole heart seeking his forgiveness and healing.
I invite you to stand with us as we March for Life and work to protect the baby in the womb today.
With God's grace I intend to go forward Silent No More!