I grew up with seven siblings in a Catholic home, all of us one or two years apart. Birth control was not discussed. How babies are conceived was also not discussed.  Chastity:  I thought chastity had to do with medieval history and was currently practiced only by priests and nuns. What I needed and what all our youth must hear is that chastity is cool. Chastity before marriage is safe and does not require artificial chemicals.  Chastity is respectable and worthwhile.  Casual sex is not cool.  Casual and recreation sex is not safe, can cause health problems, and is often self-centered and one-sided.   

At twenty-one years old, I was faced with an unplanned pregnancy and abortion was the only solution because I believed I was incapable of being a mother. I was newly graduated from college and uncertain of my future and scared.   I had limited positive dating experience and I was desperate to have what my friends enjoyed. I wanted to be needed, loved and in a serious relationship.  Sex was expected but I didn’t understand God’s beautiful plan for sex is about creation of new life. It was absolutely not my plan to begin motherhood and my boyfriend supported this.

The abortion clinic didn’t offer any positive options. It is painful to re-visit this day: a cold room, a sharp needle, fear, shame...emptiness, very little doctor-patient interaction and a recovery room that was sad and lonely. A year passed and I returned to this clinic again with the same boyfriend for procedure # 2. I hated myself. I went through this drill with very little emotion or feeling.

I now realize that my mind blocked any details of this day since I denied this was really happening to me.   My relationship was ending.  I began to wear masks to hide my ugly secrets. I became mean spirited, cynical and insecure, making bad decisions for attention.  

A year later I met a man with “potential” and this time I would be careful. Two months later I discovered I was pregnant again.  Senselessly I took full responsibility and blame. I made the appointment immediately not permitting time to think. This time the clinic advised me to ignore the “religious fanatics” outside. The waiting area was very crowded and the women looked shell-shocked and for good reason—because we were going to war on our own bodies.

Fast forward: after twenty years of hiding past regrets I was encouraged to take advantage of Divine Mercy.   In the Catholic Church this is a powerful feast to receive forgiveness. In short, Jesus gave us this Feast as both a comfort and a lifeline for souls through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. My difficult and humble confession ten years ago opened up miraculous tears of sorrow and relief. I was forgiven by Christ and capable of feeling the love of Christ.  Don’t consider yourself as without hope. Our Lord Jesus wants to pardon completely even the worst sinners possible. Remember, Jesus has come for sinners, not the righteous.  I walked out of the confessional fully aware this confession saved my life and my marriage.

A couple years later I pushed myself to become active in pro-life work (as my confessor told me I would).  I am Silent No More!  I pray for women as they head into abortion mill. I ask the Holy Spirit for courage and strength.  Abortion hurts women; your baby is a precious gift from God. He loves you very much.