Everyone has an abortion for a different reason – none are ever right, even though at the time we may think it is…my case is no different.

I had an abortion because….

Thirty years ago this past February, at twenty-four years, old my mother committed suicide.  My family was in shock over her suicide, trying to deal with it as best we could.  At the same time I was engaged to be married and found out I was pregnant. We had a big wedding planned and I didn’t want to hurt my dad by walking down the aisle eight months pregnant after all he had been through with my mom’s death. 

I was scared and excited all at the same time about being pregnant.  It never occurred to me it was actually a baby – I just thought it was a mass of cells.  My fiancé asked a friend about finding a doctor for an abortion, if that is what we decided.  He said he would do whatever I decided. I made the decision that is what we should do and he took me to the doctor…again, I felt that I just couldn’t do that to my dad.   After the exam the doctor named Dr. Childs,  said that normally he didn’t do abortions when someone was as far along as I was (12 or 13 weeks), but that he would in this case after hearing why I wanted it.  I could sense his hesitancy- and I wish with all my heart he had said no I won’t do this. 

Because I was in my second trimester they said they would have to dilate my cervix and told me I would have some cramping and to come back the next day for the procedure.  The next morning I went to a regular medical facility.  I was put under anesthesia.  I woke up screaming hysterically that I didn’t want to do it.  I could not be consoled.  I was in the recovery room with mothers who had just delivered their babies.

I still didn’t have a clue of what I had really done.  God is merciful and it was only over time as I grew closer to Him that He allowed me to see the horror without despairing. 

Immediately after the abortion, I was depressed and full of sorrow and an incredible emptiness and ache in my heart.  Truly a part of me died along with my baby- a loss deep within my very soul that grows deeper with time, not because there is no forgiveness- I know there is, but just like the loss of someone you love who is no longer with you.

As time went on after the abortion I felt and experienced ….. chaos in my life - out of control drinking and eating disorders, broken relationships and suicidal feelings in order to block out the sin and the pain of the abortion.

I found help and forgiveness through…the mercy of God and His Son Jesus Christ, and through the Sacrament of Confession and Mother Mary’s intercession.  God has restored me to new life and I will be forever grateful for His love and His healing.  I want others to know they too can be forgiven and healed.

Our God is a merciful and loving God and wants this horror of abortion to be exposed for what it is – a lie and evil, that is destroying us as individuals, and us as a nation from the inside out.  I am here to tell the truth that abortion is the holocaust of our time and our laws need to be changed to reflect true justice for all – that of the unborn and that of the mother.  That is why I am Silent No More!