I had my first abortion because after two years of dating my boyfriend, my BC failed.

We were party people, so my fear was it may be deformed, also I didn’t want to shame my parents, or my life to change. 

 

It was June 8th 1984. I drove myself to the clinic.

During the abortion I pushed all thoughts aside except, just get it over with then things will be normal. And that’s what they told me in the short counsel session and also, that it’s just fetal matter, so life will go back to normal after this procedure.

 

I laid on the table thinking about just getting the problem over. The nurse held my hand and I turned my eyes to the wall & tuned everything around me out.

I paid no attention to anyone and left as soon I could. I was relieved at that point about what I had done. I got the report years later and my baby was seven weeks old, 125ccs the report said. What took God seven weeks to create was ripped out in 3 minutes.  That’s about 3-4 ounces. But it was just a blob of tissue right?

As time went on I became eager to drink more and heavier. I did cocaine when my boyfriend had it. But alcohol was my drug of choice.

There was promiscuity, two more abortions, I don’t remember much about. My self -esteem was so bad. I didn’t care about myself anymore.

Eighteen years after my first abortion I felt God calling me to deal with my abortions, it was time to heal. I had three years sober time in AA at that point and I felt God and I were at a road block. So I went to Google “abortion healing” and found Rachel’s Vineyard Retreats and that’s what started my journey of healing I’m still on today. I have found much joy and peace in my life again with Christ to guide me now! I had three  abortions in a span of four years and a miscarriage in 91. I regret them all and that’s why I will Be Silent No More.