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Testimonies
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The Nightmare
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Cherryl
California,
United States
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I have ITP so pregnancy is dangerous, but not impossible. I had the abortions because of vanity, selfishness, and hatred. I hated being pregnant with my first child, and there were complications. So, cowardice also played a role in my decision. I was angry with the fathers as well, both for telling me lies. When I went to Planned Parenthood, I was humiliated, pushed around, treated roughly, and infected with chlamydia from unsterilized equipment. Pro-life literature was grabbed out of my hand before I could read it. I was lied to and treated like an animal. Secular music was playing, and I hate all of those songs to this day. My second abortion was a medical abortion done with a tubal-ligation, which I also regret. It was done at a hospital. I was warned about the after-effects of the abortion, but I did it anyway. The second abortion was premeditated. The father pleaded for the child and said I would become a murderer if I did it. I felt relief and loneliness after the abortion. Nothing would go right, and I felt as if I had been cursed. I was godless and felt as if I had died and gone to Hades at times. The nightmare of my life started and progressed. The insanity and abusive relationships became darker. The drug abuse became progressively worse, and I hung around bad crowds. I finally became fed-up with my selfishness and started doing community service. A minister friend of mine told me that because I had two abortions I could benefit others by doing pro-life work. I did this for a few years, and helped a young girl keep her child. I supported her throughout the process. I learned about Rachel's Vineyard from a minister friend, and was silent no more with a group of women. I worked through the pain with little sleep and many tears. I have shared my experience working one on one with other alcoholics. My past has helped me connect with other women in need of healing. I found true healing from the pain and guilt, but I still miss my children. I will always feel a small degree of regret to remind me to help others by being silent no more.
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