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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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What I Wish I Had Done
Montana, United States

My name is Debbie, and I am a 61-year old wife and mother of 3 daughters, and I have a 7-month old granddaughter. I've been married to a wonderful man for 35 years, and God has blessed me with a dear family.  

I grew up in the suburbs of Washington, D.C. and worked in an office doing clerical work after graduating from high school.  I was very shy and didn't date very much.   Sadly, when I was 25 years old, I was raped by my ex-boyfriend while I was sleeping.   He was a drug user, lived with his parents, and didn't work steadily.  I realized he was not the person for me and was in the process of moving to Colorado when I woke in the middle of the night to find I was being raped.   He blamed it on me because I was moving away.  

I had a pregnancy test at Planned Parenthood a couple of weeks later, which came back negative, and went ahead with the move.  When my period didn't come a couple of weeks after that, I went to a clinic, had a pregnancy test and it was positive.  I was staying with friends while I looked for a job, and I didn't know what to do.  The ex-boyfriend flew out to Colorado and asked me to marry him.  He had never wanted to get married before that but said "This was a sign that it was meant to be."  I had a low self-esteem and had always thought the only way anyone would ever want to marry me was if I were pregnant.   

I spoke with a counselor at Planned Parenthood who told me since I was only 4-5 weeks along, that the baby was just a blob of tissue the size of my thumbnail.  I believed in God and had always gone to church growing up, so I knew it was more than that, but I chose to believe her.  She told me most people just felt a sense of relief after the abortion.  She also said they were having a clinic the next day, and I had to decide right away whether I wanted an abortion.  It was the 70's, Rowe vs. Wade had recently passed, women's lib was in the headlines, and somehow I believed if I did it fast, I could pretend the baby was just a blob of tissue.

I remember that I couldn't stop crying and crying afterward, and, honestly, I could cry right now just thinking about that little baby.  I even apologized to the ex-boyfriend and started dating him again.  He told me he "wished I hadn't done it, too."   I took the blame, and he never accepted any of it, even though he was the rapist.  I stayed with him for about 6 months and finally broke free of that relationship.  

I started a good job, took college classes, the ex-boyfriend moved back to D.C, and I've never seen him again.   I met my future husband at my job and he's treated me like a princess ever since.  I finished college and became a Dental Hygienist.  I miscarried during college, but we were blessed with three daughters, who are lovely young ladies.  We love our son-in-law and granddaughter, and our two other daughters are engaged to very nice young men.   

I went through a Bible study at Care Net Pregnancy Center 10 years ago, and I'm a very spiritual person.  I've prayed about this a lot and asked for forgiveness from God and the baby.   I'm living proof that you never get over an abortion.   Every time someone dies or I see a couple struggling to become pregnant, I'm reminded of how precious life is.  If I can offer one bit of advice to a young woman in a similar situation to mine, it's don't have an abortion.  You'll regret it the rest of your life, just like I have.  There are agencies that will help you with your baby or a family that is longing for a child.   I pray you will do the right thing--what I wish I'd done all those years ago.


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