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Testimonies
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I Still Struggle
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Jennifer
Texas,
United States
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It was my boyfriend’s first suggestion. I was so afraid of people finding out, because I knew they would be ashamed. I was afraid to tell my parents. I also knew I didn’t want to have an abortion, but knew I would. We put it off and put it off. When I went home for Christmas I wanted to tell my mom but was so scared. I was beginning to show. I would rub my belly knowing Adrian (I had a feeling it would be a boy) was in there. My boyfriend kept at me about the abortion, so I scheduled it.
We went to the place, cold and sterile. I hated it. I opted out of seeing the sonogram and hearing his heartbeat. The day was a blur. I remember going in. I wanted to scream out no but couldn't because of the drugs. Worst day of my life, living hell. My boyfriend bought me a jacket and flowers.
I began having panic attacks and would cradle pillows. I couldn't leave the house. A week later both me and my boyfriend realized that the abortion happened on his birthday. It was hell for both of us.
I still struggle. I hate myself for what I did. I have not told my family. I say I had a miscarriage to those who do know because I cannot bear to tell them the truth. Adrian is my life blood and my inspiration. He is and will always be my angel and guiding light.
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