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Testimonies
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“Greater Love”: Why I serve at The Pregnancy Center
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Barbara
Ohio,
United States
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Why I serve at The Pregnancy Center
We met the summer before our junior year of high school. It was his sense of humor that first attracted me to him; he was fun to be around. We had our first date as friends, and many dates followed. By our senior year of high school, sex had become part of our relationship. I knew in my head that I should not be having sex before marriage, but head knowledge doesn’t go very far apart from a relationship with Christ. Besides, we were really “in love”.
Our relationship continued after high school and through our college years. Shortly after graduating from college I became pregnant. I honestly can’t say what my boyfriend was feeling at the time because we didn’t discuss it much. He was away at school. I do remember the phone call: “The test is positive. Was the pregnancy planned?” the nurse asked me. I quietly told her no, and she promptly gave me the number of a doctor who would “terminate the pregnancy.” At the time, I believed what the world said, that at 6 or 7 weeks it was just a “blob of tissue.” I was afraid of disappointing my parents, I didn’t think it was the right time to have a baby, and I didn’t want to think that I had forced my boyfriend into marriage. So I agreed with all who have said, “It was the best thing for everyone.”
The law requires a “counseling session” prior to the abortion procedure. It took about one minute for the doctor to tell me what he would do to my body. He told me they would give me something to help me relax and something to take away the pain. He didn’t tell me that the psychological scars may still be present years later; that there was no drug that would numb my heart. I sat across the desk from him with tears in my eyes and heaviness in my heart. With an impatient look on his face the doctor said, “Do you want to do this or not?”
I had almost completely suppressed the memory of my abortion until 13 years later when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. When God spoke truth into my heart regarding the sanctity of human life, that He is the Author of Life, I sobbed regretfully and laid my sin at the foot of His cross. The enemy tried to lie to me, telling me “No way will God ever forgive this sin!” But God in His mercy not only forgave my sin, He set me free from the guilt and shame that had shackled me for so long. Although I am forgiven and healed, I will never be free of regret for my choice. I have been tempted to blame the nurse for leading me toward abortion, to blame the doctor who hurried me, and I have blamed the father of the baby. But the truth is that I made the choice. Should a baby’s life be a choice? I wish we would never think about it that way!
Many relationships don’t survive the pain, shame, and regret of abortion; ours did. We have been married for over 29 years. Several years ago on Sanctity of Human Life Sunday, my husband said, “I’m sorry WE had that abortion.” With his own repentance came healing and restoration for him as well. What I thought was “true love” years ago was incomplete; I hadn’t known God’s love. The premarital sex and certainly the abortion had slammed the door in God’s face. But Jesus says, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” (John 15:13) The Bible has many names for Jesus. One is “friend of sinners.” God’s love reached down into the darkest depth of this sinner’s heart and set it free. I give back to Him out of gratitude for what Jesus did for me. That is why I am silent no more.
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