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Testimonies
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Hurting Myself and Others
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Patricia
California,
United States
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Thank you. God bless everybody. My name is Patricia Sanivole. I'm from the Bay area. The Lord has had so much mercy on my soul because I did a lot of damage in the society. Not only did I hurt other women and men, but, I hurt myself. I am going to share my story briefly.
I grew up Catholic. Traditional Catholic, went to mass once a year. I had no idea what chastity was. My parents never gave me that chastity talk, and in school I learned that the only thing I had to do to not get pregnant, and to not get a STD, was to wear a condom. So, my sexual education came from the world. When I was 19-years-old, I was pregnant, and I was told it was not a baby. That it was a sack of tissue. I remember when I had my ultrasound, I was two months pregnant, I actually saw the head and the arms of my child, but, it wasn't formed, it wasn't a baby yet. When I was four months pregnant, my best friends came, and said, "Patricia, you're committing the worst mistake of your life. You're not ready to be a mom, it's not a baby yet. You need an abortion, you're four months, and it's going to be too late."
I remember I went into the clinic and the doctor told me, "You know Patricia, don't worry. I have had an abortion myself, and I've performed two abortions on my daughter. My daughter’s fine, I'm okay, this takes five minutes, and you're going to be okay." I remember, she said, "You're not doing anything wrong. It's just a sack of tissue." I decided to believe that in my heart. After that abortion, I had two more abortions. A total of three abortions. I suffered from post abortion syndrome. I got into a deep depression. I got into anorexia, I wanted to commit suicide, I had psychotic thoughts, mental disorders, and I didn't understand why I was feeling these emotions, because I didn't do anything wrong.
After that, since I worked in the medical field for so many years, I wanted to help women. I wanted to help women, and I thought that, it's your body, and you can do whatever you want with your body, and I started to work for Planned Parenthood. I went into Planned Parenthood thinking, in Sacramento, that I was going to help women, and it's better to abort than to bring a suffering child into this world. When I started working at Planned Parenthood, they trained me how to deceive women and men. They told me never to show an ultrasound. That screen always needs to face the nurse, that the patient could never, ever see that ultrasound. It was prohibited to use the word “baby,” “he,” “she,” “mother,” or “father.” I had to call it an “it.”
I had to change my vocabulary. They told me to tell them that I had three abortions. Tell the girls that you've had three abortions, and they're going to be okay. If you see that a young girl is terrified and that she is scared, and she doesn't want to come to her appointment to have an abortion, you need to do everything in your will, so they will not back out. That they will make it to their appointment. So, on Mondays at Planned Parenthood, in Spanish and in English, I'm Hispanic. I counseled and prepared women for their abortions, not knowing that I was actually selling murders. I didn't know what I was doing. The day of the abortions came, that first time I assisted an abortion, I had to assist the doctor, and I had to assist the young girl having the abortion.
I remember the first time that I took the bag that was connected to that machine, and I went into a little room that's hidden in Planned Parenthood. I remember the nurse that was training me, she said, "You will never tell a soul what you see behind these doors. You will not tell a mother or a father, that after the abortion, we throw their babies away in the garbage."
I remember they said, "Empty that bag out in this petri dish. It was this huge glass petri dish. I remembered when I opened, and I discarded everything in that bag, I saw body parts in there. I really thought in my head, that I was looking for a sack of tissue. I remember she took some tweezers out, and she started picking up the arms, the legs, the head. She puzzled the body back together, and she said, "The abortion is successful," and threw it away in the garbage, and the patient could leave the room now. I remember at the end of that day, in that garbage, there was 20 to 25 pieces of babies, just piled up in this bio-hazard garbage bag. The nurse said, "Patricia, since it's illegal just to throw blood away, bio-hazard comes in here monthly, and they discard the bag for us. Meanwhile, we need to store these bags in that freezer." I remember when I opened this huge freezer, the first thing I saw were transparent, they're clear bags, with 25 body parts converted into ice of all the abortions that Planned Parenthood had that month. It was horrific.
I remember when I worked there, I could just hear women screaming and crying, "You hear my baby, my baby." I remember wiping tears off their faces and some even fainted. It was a complete holocaust, and they are just complete hypocrites there. It was just amazing. I was tormented in my soul. That's when I realized, I killed my own children. I killed my own children. I had to face my sin. I will never forget the last day I worked at Planned Parenthood, this young girl came in, and the manager said, "Patricia, you will assist this young girl during her abortion today, after your lunch." I remember when I looked at her stomach, her stomach was pretty big. She said, "She's six months pregnant, and she's pregnant with twins." When she said, "Twins," I just imagined me discarding that bag, and seeing two siblings, and pieces in that petri dish, and I thought, "I can't do this. I can't do this. I will have a heart attack if I see this."
I walked out of Planned Parenthood and I never went back. What happened after three abortions...it was hard. After three abortions and suffering from all these symptoms, and then helping parents kill their children, lying to them and saying it's a sack of tissue, and two days later, throwing their babies away in the garbage, can you imagine my soul and my heart? I got into some heavy, heavy drugs. I got into methamphetamine, and I was a homeless person for three years on the streets. Completely cracked out of my mind. I lived with people that sold drugs. I was running from the cops. I was so thin, I had pulled all my hair out. There's a disease called trichotillomania, where it's a high level of anxiety, where people find the comfort in pulling their hair. Well, I was a dead person alive. When you looked at my face, and looked into my eyes, there was no life in me.
I didn't recognize who I was. I was just this failure, this piece of trash on the street, addicted to drugs with no hope in my life. One day I was sitting on a curb, on the sidewalk, and all my friends had left me. At this point, I had not drugs, I had no family. My family was ashamed of me. I had no friends. I had no food, I had nothing. I remember I was crying on the side of the sidewalk, and I for the first time in my life, when I looked up at the sky, and the clouds parted, for the first time in my life, I felt God the Father. I know he was looking down at me. I looked up at the sky and I was crying. I said to the Lord, "I don't know who You are, but I know You exist. I have no drugs, I have no family, I have no food, and I'm a complete failure. I know that You gave me such a beautiful childhood, and so many blessings in my life, and I destroyed everything. I just want to ask for Your mercy and Your forgiveness."
At that moment, I curled up in a fetal position, and I was balling and balling, and I felt somebody hug me from behind. When I looked to see who was hugging me, it was this young, beautiful woman with blue eyes. Her name was Bonnie, because she had a name tag. She looked at me and she said, "Jesus loves you." I said, "Excuse me?" She said, "Jesus loves you. I'm a waitress at that restaurant and I was taking an order, and the Lord spoke to my heart, and he said, look out that window, and tell that woman that's on the street and drugged out, that I love her. Even if her mother or father shall forsake her, I will be with her until the end of the times, and I will never abandon her." She said, "I don't know where you live, Patricia, but you're going home today." That's where the Lord took me. He took me out of a cloud of misery, an abyss of hell, and that's how God is. God is so merciful.
I just want to say one thing. The Bible says, Jesus says, "My people perish because of lack of knowledge." Because I didn't know what chastity was, one sin, having sex out of marriage…Look at the disaster that happened in my life. I just want to say one thing. I have had the gift of traveling the Latin American country. I have spoken to 46,000 youth this year in Columbia and in Mexico. I go into the schools where Jesus isn't there. You know what's really horrifying for me? That out of the thousand youth, nobody knows what chastity is. That is a problem. Do you know that 86% of abortions in the U.S. are women that are not married? We need to fight for life, but, we need to fight for chastity. Please, we need to talk about chastity and purity.
It's a way of life, and we need to teach our youth how to live in purity. God bless everybody. Thank you.
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