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Testimonies
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Undone by His Mercy
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Eunice
Hawaii,
United States
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My heart sank as I glimpsed the positive result of my home pregnancy test. “Not now, I can’t go through with this,” I convinced myself as I grabbed my local phone book and thumbed through all the regional abortion clinics.
I was in the process of getting divorced and now the evidence of my indiscretion had come to light. I was eager to get my problem fixed, even if it meant a three hour drive and renting a hotel room to have it taken care of. The clinic’s receptionist instructed me to take a warm bath and then take a couple of pain relievers the morning of the procedure. A week later I did as I was instructed.
As I arrived at the clinic I was greeted by both peaceful prayer warriors and angry protestors; I rushed past the crowd and into the building. The waiting room was overwhelmingly heavy with silence except for the woman who sat directly in front of me. I didn’t dare meet her gaze. I had forbidden myself to think of the reality of the situation and here it was right in front of my face! One by one we were ushered back to the abortion room. It felt a lot like cattle just before the slaughter.
When my time came I did as I was told and did my best to relax but then I saw an ultrasound machine. Since I hadn’t gone to see my doctor I asked the abortionist if I was really pregnant. I was still in denial. He simply pointed to the ultrasound screen and there I could make out a little heartbeat! Oh dear God, I’m pregnant! There’s a real baby in there. But I froze, I didn’t say anything. And, in what seemed like a minute, I didn’t see a heartbeat anymore, but I felt immense pain which overwhelmed my body as my child’s life left mine. I felt I had died there on that table as they proceeded to instruct me to get up and get dressed, as they guided my pain filled body to the recovery room. I could see two other women in as much agony as I but not uttering a word. We were all deathly silent.
As I stepped out of that abortion clinic, I felt unforgivable, and I began to live an unforgivable life. I was a wretched woman, so who could ever love or forgive someone like me? My life remained in a state of undeniable pain, condemnation, and shame. I wanted to die.
However, as the days, weeks, months, and years passed I was undone by Christ’s abundant grace, mercy, and love when I heard, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16 ESV). For the first time in a long time I believed God loved me. You see, much like the apostle Paul, I could say, “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life” (1 Timothy 1:15–16 NIV). It took seven years for me to receive God’s free gift of life in Christ, and it took fourteen years for me to get post-abortive healing through a post–abortion recovery class which not only helped me heal from my post–abortive past but understand what abortion truly is and what it does.
My prayer for you is for healing and reconciliation to God through Christ. Please take a moment and read through the resources provided on this site. If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to contact me and consider being Silent No More!
Blessings in Christ,
Eunice MacDonald
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