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Testimonies
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Women and Children Deserve Better
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Cynthia
Ohio,
United States
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I am a 50 year old black woman with a professional degree.
I had my first abortion at 20, because I did not want another child with the man I was involved with. I thought nothing of it either before or after. I later ended that relationship and married another man. A year into our marriage I became pregnant and he abandoned me. I seriously thought about aborting that pregnancy, but I just could not bring myself to do it. In my turmoil I called a nonprofit I found in the phone book that I thought would counsel and support me through the abortion. Instead, they advised me that if I wanted to keep my baby they would help me. I did keep that baby and those people did help me with counseling, maternity clothes, and baby stuff. I thank God for that nonprofit because I could not imagine my life without that child.
Later, I reconciled with my husband and became pregnant several more times, largely because of my irresponsibility with birth control. I terminated those pregnancies because I did not want more children with that man. I thought NOTHING of it because I had always believed that abortion was just a procedure with no consequence. My last abortion was in 2004.
A few years ago, during the time that John Roberts was being put forth for the Supreme Court, I remember reading an article about his wife. She was a partner at a large law firm and is a conservative feminist. I don't remember the context, but I remember her saying that she wanted to work to reduce the number of abortions because young women deserved better. I didn't know what she meant then but I do now. I deserved better and my unborn children did, too. I just didn't know better. Like many black women I believed that abortion is an acceptable method of birth control.
I am so sorry about what I have done. I hope that God can forgive me, and I can forgive myself. I am silent no more because I need to atone for killing my own children. I always talk about how, during slavery days, black women were not allowed to keep their children. The difference today is that it seems like we don't want to.
I hope my words can help one woman make a different choice so she doesn't end up feeling like I do today.
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