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Mental Scars
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Cathy
New Hampshire,
United States
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If I had known the mental scars that abortion would leave on me I would have never had one. If I was not so weak the child I could have had would have been 27 this year. I think about said child almost daily. I wonder what he or she would have been like and where they would be in their lives, now.
I am a product of divorce, and I essentially grew up without religion. I grew up with a mother and older sisters who supported abortions. My older sisters had abortions. I had friends who had abortions, some multiple abortions. Yet I was always against abortion. I thought it was okay for others but not for me.
I was 25 years old, doing my internships and in my last semester of graduate school, and I was using birth control. My youngest sister just had a daughter she conceived before she was married. My oldest sister had a child she conceived prior to being married. My mother was so disappointed and hoped it would not happen to me.
I realized the day I missed my period I was pregnant, despite using birth control. I was horrified and did not have a strong partner who would encourage me to keep the child. I did not want to disappoint my mother. I went to the doctor to confirm my pregnancy. The initial test showed I wasn't, but I knew I had missed my period. The nurse drew blood to take another test. I received the call hours later that day. I wanted to keep the child, I wanted my partner to help me keep the child, but I did not want to disappoint my mother. I wanted to have an abortion right away. I wanted just to forget it. I was told that I could not have an abortion until I was six weeks pregnant. Those two weeks were stressful; I felt the effects of pregnancy because I was tired those two weeks during my internship.
At six weeks I did have the abortion. It has been the biggest regret of my life. I was never able to have another natural birth of my own.
If anything good has become of this, I have become more staunchly pro-life, and I have taught my adopted children why abortion is wrong. If they are ever in my position, I will tell them that every child is worthy of life. Every life matters. The mental scars of my weakness have lasted my whole life. Abortion is just not worth the mental scars or the loss of an innocent life.
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