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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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I Wonder
Missouri, United States

I had my abortion due to pressuring from my mother and grandfather. I had three other children, and my family felt that I didn’t need anymore and couldn’t take care of another child.

My grandpa paid for it. My mom took me to the clinic in St. Louis, MO. I felt as if I were just another number. The nurses and staff were emotionless as was I, until I was able to see the ultrasound. I was in the room by myself, and I broke down in tears. I lied to the nurse when she asked if this was my choice.

I went into the procedure room and lay down. A nurse held my hand. I remember immense pain and tears rolling down my face. It took no more than a few minutes. I was then escorted to a cubicle-like room with a chair. I was given a birth control shot, crackers, and a drink. I left with my mom. It was a silent ride back to Mexico, MO. My body was weak, and my heart was empty. A few hours later I was screaming in pain, as the medication had worn off. I lay on the floor by myself and cried.

I have suppressed these emotions for many years. When I begin to think about my child I have always just shook it off and redirected my thoughts.  But I cannot do this anymore. I am miserable and think about the worst choice of my life. I often think, "How can someone EVER do that?!" And here I am…that someone. I wonder things like, was my baby male or female?  What would I have named him/her?  How would my life be different if I would have stood up for myself?  Does my mom or grandpa have any regrets?  Do they think about it?  Does it hurt them like it does me?

I cannot continue to live life in pain and sorrow.  And that's why I am silent no more!


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