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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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SNMAC has allowed me to continue in my healing journey by reading what others have been through and also to be able to share my story so others can receive the grace of God through my testimony.




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My Choice
Missouri, United States

I am a living testimony of how choosing to terminate a child’s life through abortion can impact the life of a woman.  I was raised in a home with 5 younger siblings.  I married to escape the responsibility of caring for my 5 younger siblings.  I found myself at the age of 17, married, a mother of a 6 month old baby, and pregnant. I felt overwhelmed with the thought of having another baby to care for. The night before my abortion I had a dream that would be my nightmare for over 35 years.  I dreamed of a little girl walking through a field.  She came up to me and spoke straight into my face.  She said, “Mommy, please don’t kill me.”  I tried to back out of the abortion, but my husband said it was the best thing for me.  

During the abortion procedure I was told that a suction hose would be used, like that in a dentist office, to distract the tissue from my uterus.  The sound of a suction hose caused a fear so intense that I would have panic attacks when I went to the dentist.  
The choice I made to take the life of my child opened up a door of guilt, shame, pain, and grief.  I had two more boys. I never wanted my boys to feel that they were unwanted. I wore myself out trying to be the best mom.  I had a false sense of responsibility toward my children.  I took on the facade of being their “savior” for every life challenge they faced.  I deadened my failures with eating.  

I have attended a Surrendering the Secret class, and a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat where I accepted forgiveness.  I stand before you a woman who by the grace of God is able to speak out against the lie that abortion is not harmful to women.  My “choice” is to be Silent No More.


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