I felt the only way out at the time was to have an abortion, since I already had a child. This was the beginning of multiple abortions. The experience was numbing.  I felt ashamed.  I suffered depression before all this, and it just got worst with every abortion. It led me down a road of promiscuity.  I didn’t care about anything.  I kept feeling an urge of wanting to be pregnant to replace what I've lost.

I get nightmares and flashbacks, and I cry a lot and think about it every minute of every day. I think, “How can I go on with life with such a pain that cannot go away?”  I cry all the time, and I have suicidal thoughts, just wanting the pain to go away and wishing I could just turn back the hands of time and have my babies. I miss and love them so much I just want them here with me.

I hope God forgives me and so do my children. I know they are angels with God. Until I meet you some day, I’m going to be doing Rachel's vineyard soon to try and cope with the devastating effects that abortion had on my life. I truly hope it helps me to forgive myself and receive God's forgiveness. Through sharing my story I choose to be silent no more.