I am at a good place right now. I tried to fight off guilt by justifying what I did, but the truth is no amount of lies I would tell myself was enough to make the pain go away. I knew I needed help.

I came across Pearls & Treasures Kenya, an organization that runs Post Abortion Healing Programs. I took the leap and gave them a call. This would be a long, painful but worth it journey to healing.

The first step of healing was accepting that what I did was wrong and acknowledging that I took an active role in the decision.

I was taken through the character of God and understood His unconditional love. I was loved BEFORE my birth and nothing would ever separate me from His love. I also acknowledged the humanness of my baby. I was able to share my story in a non-judgmental setting, and that helped a lot.

I came to a realization that my abortion story began long ago. I was born into a disintegrating family where displays of love and affection were rare. I also had major abandonment issues owing to my dad's death when I was only 7 and my mother abandoning her responsibilities towards us, her children.

I do understand that my childhood played a role in who I became as an adult, but I also take full responsibility for my actions.  I should have known better.

After what seemed like an eternity of tears and pain, I finally got closure. I no longer see myself as the selfish woman who procured an abortion but a mother who lost a huge part of herself. I let everyone instruct me on how I felt about my baby, and that is the first mistake I made.

I know my Ashley has forgiven me, and I hope to be reunited with her one day. Instead of completely tucking away the memories of what I did, I hold on to the moments I felt her in my womb and knew she was alive. I hold on to the brief time I had with her and have since dedicated her to God's care. I choose to be silent no more about my abortion because no woman has to lose her baby because of abortion, no matter the circumstances.

Till we meet again Ashley, I love you!