I had an abortion because the man that impregnated me was a friend; however, he was of color, and my family was racist. Repeatedly, I was told that if I delivered my child they were going to hang the baby along with the father in the backyard, and I was disowned. That was said from my mother, step dad, maternal grandparents, and also my dad. When I called my dad to tell him that I used my student loan money ($500) and scheduled my abortion all I got in return was, “Good.” 

I was in a dark place after my surgical removal.  I turned to drugs and alcohol with my student loan money. I dropped out of college and spent all my money.  I started living in my car and giving myself sponge baths in the sink of my job’s bathroom at Dollar General. 

After being locked up for a possession charge, I started staying with a friend who changed my view on parties and drugs. I got clean and started running. Although I had gone through some drastic relationship breakups and moved far away from home, I thought I was living the life I always wanted. 

After finding out I was pregnant, going to my OBGYN, and being told that "technically this is my second pregnancy" is when I started feeling my guilt again, but instead of being weak and turning to drugs I turned to God, counseling, and only the best education for myself and for my unborn child. 

The relationship with the father turned extremely ugly, worse than I have ever had. I had to file a protection order, but I made some bold decisions to still stay within his area instead of living back with home.   Because, once my daughter was born, I thought that he could finally grow up and earn my trust and gain a relationship with our daughter. In the meantime my daughter and I live with my best friend/boyfriend with his two younger children.  We are safe, happy, healthy, and I am being the best mother I could have ever imagined. 

Yes, I regret the decisions I made, especially after being told that my mother and my grandmother both have had abortions before they had their children. I still don't wish to abort a life god created. I believe deep down, if I had my baby, my life would have been rough.  But I am strong and I would have made it, just like I am now, and that's why I am silent no more!