I was 18 and had been in my relationship for three years when I discovered I was pregnant. I was honestly at a total loss for what to do. I’d always been against abortion and was looking at all scenarios surrounding my situation. My parents didn’t even know I was having sex, let alone getting pregnant, and my mum was in a period of grief as her own Mum (my grandma) was diagnosed with cancer, and it was apparent she wasn’t doing well. Abortion seemed the only way.

There are so many things I don’t want to remember. What I will say is that not one single person that I came across uttered the words, “You will regret this, and it will be a game changer in your life.”  I pretty much hate them for that. Why did no one tell me the truth? 

I remember having a longer counselling session than the other women in the room—I didn’t want to do it and even at that point, I just told myself to get it over with and it’d all be over. How wrong I was. 

The doctor performing the ultrasound wouldn’t allow me to see the ultrasound screen, and I believe that had I seen it, I would have walked out.

My baby’s father and I married two years after the abortion, when I was pregnant again. We married, I fell pregnant yet again only five months after having our first and at seven months pregnant with her, he left. I was a mess, but it was a total game changer yet again. 

I questioned why he left me, prayed hard, and discovered things about myself that I didn’t want to see. Much of that stemmed from the day I said goodbye to my baby. Four years after having my abortion I finally allowed myself to grieve for my child, for the lack of genuine care of medical staff (I’m still fuming over the fact NO ONE told me I would regret the decision), and the decision to take my own baby’s life.