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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion
 

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Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously


 
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Paralyzing
Christina
Oregon, United States

I had an abortion because I was ashamed to be pregnant. I didn't think that I could raise a child with my partner. I was raised by a single mom, and at the time I thought I didn’t have a different choice. 

During the abortion experience I felt fine. A young woman who had an abortion before came and spoke to me about her experience. Then she left and I really don't remember much more than that. 

Immediately afterward I did feel a sense of relief. I still felt the hormones of being pregnant, which had a great effect on me. 

Two days after my abortion was September 11, 2001. I grieved with the nation but didn't realize at the time I was grieving for my child and myself, as a mother no longer.  I felt hopeless. 

As time went on I didn't still realize the affect this loss had on me. I struggled with promiscuity, relationships, and most of all a deep feeling of shame and unlovableness at my core. It haunted me and fear ripped through me, that I would never feel love. This sense that, at any moment, I would be punished was pervasive through my life. Especially after I had children, my fear that they would be harmed or taken from me was paralyzing. I believed I didn't deserve anything good. 

I found help and healing through Rachel's Vineyard. The retreat helped me to realize things I never knew that I never knew. Layer after layer peeled back, raw wounds that had crusted over but not healed. I found myself loved by Jesus even after what I had done and a space for my woundedness and brokenness so profound I am still moved to tears.  And that's why I am silent no more!

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