I had an abortion because I couldn’t think of any other way out. I was a student nurse, and I got pregnant after a party. I had too much to drink, and I woke up with my roommate’s brother on top of me, raping me. I froze. I felt powerless. I could not tell anyone. When I found out I was pregnant, I did not acknowledge the life of my baby. I wanted to stop it quickly so no one would find out. I arranged through the hospital where I worked to have an abortion.
The morning of the abortion I went to the clinic alone. I did not want anyone to be kind to me I just wanted it to be over. I had a general anesthetic. When I woke up I just wanted to leave. I didn’t talk to anybody. It didn’t feel real. Afterwards I felt relieved. I blotted it out of my mind and carried on with my life.
Six years later I became pregnant with my daughter, and it was like a floodgate opened. I was traumatized, thinking about my other baby who I never acknowledged. I initially got help though Project Rachel. I experienced an ocean of suffering after this time. I found help and reconciliation with God after a Rachel’s Vineyard weekend.
The journey towards recovery has been gradual over many years. When I think back on the many years I suffered alone, it saddens me to think of the many women and men who are now suffering because of an abortion. I want them to know they are not alone, and that there is help and forgiveness for them. This is why I am silent no more.