In August 2001 I had an abortion. I had just left a bad relationship, no support, and felt abortion was my only option. I believed the lie that I could move on with my life.
As I entered the facility, I remembered the coldness, stillness, and emptiness of the room. The lady at the front desk told me I needed an ultrasound. She turned the screen away, telling me, “If you saw it you would keep it.” I was then given a pill with no explanation to take that evening. The lady told me the fetus wouldn’t feel anything. In my ignorance I believed her. That night, I remember talking to my baby saying, “I’m so sorry.”
The next day I went back to the clinic. During the procedure, something was very wrong—I felt my baby move—fighting for its life. And then it was done. The abortionist left me in my tears. I went home with no desire to live anymore. I had nothing, and no one was there to walk alongside me. I felt completely worthless.
A week after the abortion, I took drugs. The drug caused a seizure. Waking up in the emergency room, the doctor told me I could have died, and I was angry that I didn’t.
A month went by and I got a call from my sister. She told me she became a Christian. She sent me a Bible and helped me read Scripture. In September 25, 2001 I accepted Jesus into my heart and my life has never been the same.
I attended a post abortion study through Healing Hearts Ministry. Through this study, I began to understand that I was angry at my family, friends, ex boyfriend, the lady at the clinic, and ultimately myself. I felt I didn’t deserve to live. Yet God in His great mercy came down to save a wretched sinner like me. Instead of getting what I deserved, God blessed me with a personal relationship with Jesus, a loving husband, and two precious daughters.
I am no longer a slave to my past, and that is why I am silent no more.