My boyfriend had been involved in a horrible motorcycle accident when we learned I was pregnant. With him fighting for his life in the hospital, having lost a limb and being partially paralyzed, we both decided abortion was best at this time.
We didn't want anyone to know that I was pregnant, so I had to carry this decision alone. I drove to the clinic and signed my name. I really don't remember much between driving to the clinic and driving home. I do remember that the staff were very encouraging and almost insisting that this was the best decision. I also remember no one ever providing an alternate solution (not blaming them at all - they were just doing their job).
I don't remember much about the procedure except that the doctor introduced himself quickly and started quickly. The rest I cannot remember.
The next time I have memory is when I arrived home. I went to the corner of my sofa and violently cried. My boyfriend and I were on the phone, and he was crying as well. But neither of us could understand why we were crying - it didn't make sense. Everyone at the clinic encouraged us and told us this was the best decision. We never thought we were doing anything wrong. And that's the deception.
So, here I am, many, many years (40 to be exact) later. Two years God began a journey in me to address my abortions. It was time. And I felt I was brave enough and strong enough to handle telling my husband about my past. My children will soon learn.
I started with "Her Choice to Heal" and tried acquiring my healing behind closed doors. After all, I couldn't let anyone at church know the decision I made!
Self-help did not work for me. I needed more. I needed to be able to receive permission to address and grieve the loss of my babies. I needed others around me to help me walk through this journey. I needed to share my stories.
After a couple of years of trying to acquire healing behind closed doors, a recovery retreat was being offered by an organization in my hometown. The first retreat I immediately dismissed. But then, God pressed when there was the announcement of another retreat immediately being offered, and God provided everything that was needed - including a place to attend anonymously.
So, I attended the retreat, which involved four days of intense Bible study, prayer, and seeking the Lord for healing and forgiveness—but not just from Him but also from myself. The ladies that walked me through that four-day weekend were also post-abortive but had previously experienced the healing and freedom found only in Christ Jesus. That same healing and forgiveness I received as well. And then I learned how to forgive myself. Shame, guilt, and hiding no longer directed my life—and they no longer control me.
I have now been given a new life in Christ Jesus—He has truly set me free.
And now I have an opportunity to share this freedom, this healing, and this forgiveness with other women who have walked a similar journey.
I have been able to share my journey with a couple of pastors now and a few people who want to assist me in providing a safe place for women to address their abortion(s) and receive forgiveness, healing, and freedom in Christ alone. God has been so kind and good to me that I have to share His goodness and kindness to others. My heart overflows with gratitude, and the only way I know how to declare my immense gratitude is to offer the same to others, as it says in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.
Thank you for allowing me to share this short testimony. And thank you for the work you are doing to bring truth to this great deception!