I have had two abortions. Looking back on my life, I wandered aimlessly.  Casual sex.  Only caring about myself.  I got pregnant with my first child when I was single and living the party life.  I’m not sure who the father was, because I had relations with two men around the same time. When I found out I was pregnant, I was so afraid of what my family would think. So, I chose to end my child’s life. 

I drove myself to an abortion clinic that was crowded with women. I asked if there was a baby inside of me, and they said it was a clump of cells. In the recovery room there are many women in there all crying. 

I got pregnant with my second child when I was living with my future husband. Again, my family had such an influence on my existence that I thought I could never have a baby if I was not married to a man. So, I also chose to end that pregnancy. 

Today, almost 26 years later, I still have so many relationship issues. But the worst is the loneliness and the loss of not having children in my life. All of my brothers and sisters have children, except me. 

My awakening came when I started going back to Church and realized how I had offended God, and I knew I had to repair.  

I went to a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat. It was the most beautiful healing service I have ever been to. It was so awesome being with women who can tell their stories, too. There was a holy priest there and a holy nun.  I can’t wait for the day when I meet my babies in heaven. I look forward to that. God bless you.