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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion
 

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Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously


 
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My Plans
Yany
Florida, United States

I was a straight A student with dreams of getting into an Ivy League university.  I, the daughter of two poor immigrant parents, was to be the first person in my family to go to college. I had been dreaming of this opportunity for so many years. It was my chance to seize the American dream. 

Then, the unexpected happened.  I missed my period.  I was so focused on being successful that I did not hesitate to tell my long-term boyfriend at the time that I needed to get an abortion.  I remember telling him that it was not yet a baby, as I had just gotten pregnant.  He did not like the idea.  He tried to convince me that it was wrong to get an abortion.  But I was clinging to what science had taught me—that the fetus's life had not yet commenced.  It was not too late to reverse the situation and go about our lives as if nothing ever happened.  I dismissed everything he was trying to tell me.  I dismissed his pain and his concerns.  I told him, "It's my body, and I'm going to get an abortion."  All these slogans and quick sound bites rolled off my tongue, as if I had previously researched abortions and given this decision significant thought.  But, in reality, my reaction was a reiteration of every simplified and convenient slogan I had heard until that point.  I didn't want to hear anything that would potentially change my mind, because it would have resulted in me having to alter my plans for the future.  So, I convinced him to support me in my decision and to not inform any of our family members of what we were going to do.  I immediately made an appointment at a center that did abortions.  

He drove me to the procedure.  They brought me to the back, did an ultrasound, and told me that I would have to return in about a week to have the procedure done, as it was too early, and they could not yet see anything.  A week later we went back.  The people at the front desk seemed nice but indifferent.  I do not recall anyone ever questioning me or giving me any information with any alternatives.  I took their passivity and unalarming nature as a further confirmation that I was not doing anything that was out of the norm or worthy of concern.  It was business as usual for the people who worked there.  During the ultrasound I even recall someone confirming that it was just a little blood clot at the time.  This idea, that I simply removed a little blood clot rather than a baby, stuck with me for many years of my life.  

I did not feel remorse or guilt for many years.  But I became born again as a Christian during college, and my perspective and appreciation for life started to change little by little.  I am now married with four children and understand the horror of my actions.  Having gotten that abortion was the single most selfish act that I have ever committed.  I thank God that He has forgiven me. I hope that I can help women understand that a child's life is worth having to change one's plans.  When I got to college, I saw a girl I recognized from one of my classes walking around campus with a baby stroller.  This was the first time that it had occurred to me that I could have potentially had my baby and still have gone to college.   

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