When I was 12 years old, I found myself pregnant. I wanted to keep it a secret and decided that an abortion was the only way I could achieve that.

I found myself waiting until the very last minute, because in many ways I didn’t want to go through with it but couldn’t figure out any other way. I was actually told if I had waited to come another week that they wouldn’t have been able to perform the abortion. 

It was the worst experience of my life! I could feel the baby being pulled apart and, when I turned my head to the left, I saw what I had done to my innocent precious baby, which was a large pickle size jar full of blood. I couldn’t stop crying for a week. 

I dealt with depression, just walking through life. I remained with my aborted baby’s father, and we eventually married eight years later.  I cried a lot before our wedding and wanted to call it off, but I just continued through with it, because I felt I didn’t deserve anyone better. After our divorce a year and a half later, I started trying to fix my depression. I went to a few different doctors but mainly just dealt with it, because nothing ever seemed to truly fix it. Even though I would always talk about the abortion, I never received my healing from it until I attended Rachel’s Vineyard. 

After years of pain, I went through a healing program and was able to receive God’s forgiveness and forgive myself.  I finally feel free from the shame, and that is why I am silent no more!