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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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Melody's 2019 March for Life in Ottawa
Saskatchewan, Canada

My name is Melody.

I was 16 when I had my first abortion. I was scared and desperate. I had no counselling,  No other people saying, "Keep this child." I thought my life would change forever if I had this child.  So I went for the abortion. I believed it was just a clump of tissue. I didn’t know until later that my parents were looking into a home for young mothers.

About a month later, I found myself depressed; I slept a lot because life was much better in a dream.  I didn’t care what happened to my body.  I remember drinking a lot and using LSD, Mushrooms anything to forget.   I had many sexual relationships, just to feel some sort of love.

I went on a low-dose birth control pill and got pregnant again after missing some pills. I told the father, and he said it was up to me. I thought he was saying, "I don’t care about the baby." So I drank more and did more drugs, not even considering the life inside.

I was three months pregnant when I finally told a family member.  I went to a clinic in the states, because I was 12 weeks. I was awake for the whole procedure. I heard the suction and I saw the jar fill up. The nurse said it was just tissue. Deep down I knew the truth, but tried to block it out.  I drank so much that night, trying to forget.

Later I got pregnant a third time on purpose in the same year.  I’ve learned this happens to many women who experience multiple abortions. I got married and had our baby, but we divorced six months later. 

My son was 3 when I had my third abortion. I drove myself because I didn’t want to tell anyone I was going to climb onto that table again. The procedure was extremely painful. Afterward, I was weak and bleeding heavily, but I didn’t want to go back to the hospital. So I stayed at a friend’s house because I couldn’t drive myself all the way home.
Some say, "How can you do this three times?" I don’t know.  When I look back it's desperation, lack of knowledge.  But I do know that a lot of women do use this as a form of birth control and block it out until one day it hits you.

I never talked about my abortions to anyone, including doctors. But I needed to feel whole and fill that void of shame and grief.  Through years of searching, I found Jesus who would forgive all I had done, and help restore my character.  He set me free from the shame and healed me.

One day, on TV, I heard the testimony of a woman who had an abortion. I finally knew I wasn’t alone.  Oh man did I cry that day and grieved my children and what I did.  I asked God to forgive me and my children to forgive me.

God gave me courage to speak out. I wanted to be a voice for my children, to reach women with a message of healing and to expose the lies about abortion. I now had a purpose and so did my children; I gave them a voice!

I still find myself mourning my unborn children at times and it pains me to imagine what they experienced while they were torn apart by that machine, by a DOCTOR.  They were destroyed due to my ignorance and a violent form of birth control.

I have three beautiful children, and NOW I have 11 grandchildren.  One was born premature at 34 weeks, but she is thriving and ALIVE.  They are ALL a gift from GOD.

I will always remember my unborn children Cherice, Daniel and Tamara 

For them, I am Silent No More.


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