My name is Melody.
I was 16 when I had my first abortion. I was scared and desperate. I had no counselling, No other people saying, "Keep this child." I thought my life would change forever if I had this child. So I went for the abortion. I believed it was just a clump of tissue. I didn’t know until later that my parents were looking into a home for young mothers.
About a month later, I found myself depressed; I slept a lot because life was much better in a dream. I didn’t care what happened to my body. I remember drinking a lot and using LSD, Mushrooms anything to forget. I had many sexual relationships, just to feel some sort of love.
I went on a low-dose birth control pill and got pregnant again after missing some pills. I told the father, and he said it was up to me. I thought he was saying, "I don’t care about the baby." So I drank more and did more drugs, not even considering the life inside.
I was three months pregnant when I finally told a family member. I went to a clinic in the states, because I was 12 weeks. I was awake for the whole procedure. I heard the suction and I saw the jar fill up. The nurse said it was just tissue. Deep down I knew the truth, but tried to block it out. I drank so much that night, trying to forget.
Later I got pregnant a third time on purpose in the same year. I’ve learned this happens to many women who experience multiple abortions. I got married and had our baby, but we divorced six months later.
My son was 3 when I had my third abortion. I drove myself because I didn’t want to tell anyone I was going to climb onto that table again. The procedure was extremely painful. Afterward, I was weak and bleeding heavily, but I didn’t want to go back to the hospital. So I stayed at a friend’s house because I couldn’t drive myself all the way home.
Some say, "How can you do this three times?" I don’t know. When I look back it's desperation, lack of knowledge. But I do know that a lot of women do use this as a form of birth control and block it out until one day it hits you.
I never talked about my abortions to anyone, including doctors. But I needed to feel whole and fill that void of shame and grief. Through years of searching, I found Jesus who would forgive all I had done, and help restore my character. He set me free from the shame and healed me.
One day, on TV, I heard the testimony of a woman who had an abortion. I finally knew I wasn’t alone. Oh man did I cry that day and grieved my children and what I did. I asked God to forgive me and my children to forgive me.
God gave me courage to speak out. I wanted to be a voice for my children, to reach women with a message of healing and to expose the lies about abortion. I now had a purpose and so did my children; I gave them a voice!
I still find myself mourning my unborn children at times and it pains me to imagine what they experienced while they were torn apart by that machine, by a DOCTOR. They were destroyed due to my ignorance and a violent form of birth control.
I have three beautiful children, and NOW I have 11 grandchildren. One was born premature at 34 weeks, but she is thriving and ALIVE. They are ALL a gift from GOD.
I will always remember my unborn children Cherice, Daniel and Tamara
For them, I am Silent No More.