I was a sophomore in a Christian college when I became pregnant.  At the time, my boyfriend and I were leaders in a youth group setting so we had several issues that we had to address.   I myself was against the abortion and I advocated with my boyfriend to get married.  I was pro-life.  He was going to graduate soon and was concerned about his future and ministry.  I was also scared for both of us with the reality and possibility of being kicked out of Christian college.  We spoke with each of our best friends, one encouraged the abortion and the other a male begged us not to do it and even went as far as offering to marry me.

Regardless, we went through with the plan.  I walked through picket lines in Indiana and cried the entire time.  While speaking with the counselor, I decided against the abortion.  However, after talking with my boyfriend, we reiterated in our minds that this was our only option.  He assured me that we had plenty of time to get married and have other children.  He never kept that promise.  I remember the abortion vividly, it was like an assembly line.  On the bed next to me was a 13-year old girl and her mother who I spoke with, it was heartbreaking.  The girl was begging her mom against it.

During the process, which was impersonal hurried and devastating, I cried out to Jesus to forgive me.  I believe that it surprised the doctor so much that he botched it as I hemorrhaged afterwards and ended up miscarrying fully almost a month later.  I considered suicide at several points and felt such sin and remorse that it nearly overtook me.  I literally missed several weeks of school, but kept up on my grades.  

My boyfriend ended up dating a friend of mine and abandoned me.  I’m sure from his own regrets and remorse.  Our relationship was too damaged.   My saving grace during that time was a vision I received from God of a small child dressed in a white gown telling me that they forgave me and that they were okay and that they would see me in heaven!

Following the abortion, I became bitter and began drinking a lot and ended up being kicked out of my Christian college when I was caught.  I did end up getting into another college and graduated.  I lost all faith in men, especially Christian men after that and was involved in numerous abusive relationships.  

I have been in counseling at different times and recently went through my abortion recovery group with Deeper Still and it was life changing.  I’ve been blessed with three daughters, two being twins which I believe were a gift from God!