I had two abortions. The reason I'm speaking about my babies now is because I do not want other women to go through the emotional pain and regret that I went through. When I went to the clinic I felt embarrassed. I was given the abortion pill and was told I may get a few cramps. I was not told the excruciating pain I would feel for hours until the sac went through. My abortion was explained to me as something that was common and normal. It was not explained to me the emotional affects and regret I would experience long after the abortion was over. Not to mention the initial abortion felt like I was giving actual birth to a child. 

I remember when the sac finally left my body. I felt it pass through and I cried. I didn't want to flush my baby down the toilet, but I had no choice. That night I also lost a part of me. Literally. At the time I felt it was the right thing to do. I was still legally married to someone else and in a complicated relationship with the father of my aborted child. 

I felt I would be looked down upon since my family was Christian. So abortion seemed like my only option. Now I realize it was not. I can't help but think about how I could have raised my babies and would have been just fine. 

What gave me healing was that if I did not abort my baby then, I would not have had my other living child today. The son I now have gives me joy, but he would not have been born if I gave birth to my aborted child.  So I pray to my unborn child and tell God that his death was not in vain. He is the reason I have my son today, and I can't wait to see him in heaven.