I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

• That the first time I had sex, I would get pregnant.
• That the "man" with whom I shared that first "intimate moment" would choose not to father his own child.
• That the "man" who seemed to "know what was best" would actually be encouraging me to make the most regretful decision of my life, as well as his.
• That $300, or any other amount of money, would NOT fix my problem, but instead would CAUSE more emotional and physical trauma than I could ever possibly imagine.... And would ultimately change my life forever.
• That my choice was being based on feeling frightened, shocked, self-seeking, deserving, irresponsible, and worried about what my parents, neighbors, friends and family might think.
• That there were people who would have loved to have adopted and cherished my child.
• That there were agencies who would have helped me, if I had decided to parent or place my baby.
• That my parents might truly "have understood" if I had shared the news of my pregnancy with them.
• Not to make a rash decision based on the needs of others: my boyfriend, my family...or on my scholarship to the university!
• That my life didn’t have to stop, just because I was pregnant. Other options were available!
• That life is about choices, and this "pro-choice" I was making...would result in a TRULY "poor choice" down the line.
• That there was actually at least ONE person out there who would help me, so that my child’s life would not end!

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

• That the abortion clinic’s staff would humiliate me minute by minute, hour upon hour.
• That Planned Parenthood, and Family Planning, both wouldn’t know the first thing about "caring" for their clients.
• That the girl ahead of me in line, would laugh the whole time, claiming her 5^th abortion, and that it was "easy and not to worry"!
• That I truly could have gotten "off the table" when I realized I was making a horrific mistake.
• That I could have changed my mind until the very last minute, no matter what the doctors or nurses said.
• That the procedure was NOT like the removal of a tooth. I don’t regret my trips to the dentist.
• That a part of my "maternity" would die on that table, right along with my child.
• That I would feel more appalled with myself after the "procedure", as I walked out the back door of the clinic.
• That people didn’t talk about these "kind of things"! After "it" was over, I wouldn’t be able to talk about it either.
• That there would be so much physical and emotional pain involved... not just then, but 23 years later.
• That I would lose a part of my dignity, self-love and purpose in life!
• That one day I TRULY would regret this "choice".

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

• I wasn’t God, and that all "life and death" were determined by Him!

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

• That I would blame myself for the child lost when I drove my friend for her abortion.
• That I would eventually change my major in college to "pay God back" for my mistake.
• That the grief, guilt and shame would take over my life emotionally.
• That I would wake up crying in the middle of the night for years.
• That on each anniversary date, I would feel numb and unable to move.
• That I would consider suicide twice, due to the emotional pain of my "choice"!

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

• That a baby is always a gift and miracle.
• That explanations of my fetus being "just a blob of tissue" would be completely dissolved when I graduated with a double degree in Child Development and Psychology.
• That 7 years post-abortion, the joy of seeing my son’s ultrasound pictures would be haunted by the fact that I terminated a child at 8 weeks gestation.
• That the birth of my son JD would truly be a day of "reckoning" for me.
• That my son’s hugs and kisses, or hearing him say, "I love you, Mommy more than all the houses, stars and cars!" would mean more to me that I can possibly explain. To think that my eldest son might have shared similar "endearments"!
• That two years into my marriage, my husband and I would end up in counseling and separated.
• That while visiting a friend house, I would be a victim of non-consenting sex.
• That I might get pregnant from that situation.
• That I might be forced to choose abortion again, because my family said I couldn’t bring a biracial child into the world, while I was married to someone else.
• That because my marriage was "on the rocks", abortion was in the best interest of saving my family, husband and son.
• That my husband and I would end up divorced 5 years later, after he became involved with my best friend.
• That I wouldn’t ever be able to have any other children.
• I would have to have a hysterectomy before I was 40 years old.

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

• That when I became a Christian at 38 years old, that my heart’s wound would re-open and ache even more for the lives that I terminated.
• That I would again begin to cry and weep for those babies in Heaven.
• That when I finally chose to admit my sin – others would say "Oh, forget about it" or "It was YOUR choice"!
• That people wouldn’t ever let me "talk" about it and would "judge" me the rest of my life. Even the "forgiving" people who call themselves "Christians"!
• That it would take the accepting hearts and compassion, of a few select women, to assist in the healing of my disgrace.
• That I would eventually find other women/men/families who had suffered as long as I had in silence.
• That I could go through a healing program in which God would release me from the shame, guilt and grief that I had suffered for 23 years.

I'm GLAD Someone Told Me...

• That God was in the room with me during my abortions, held my hand through both procedures and personally carried my children home to Heaven.
• That He’s been trying to comfort me, everyday, for the past 23 years, even while I’ve been begging Him for forgiveness.
• That God and I could name my children - who are forever covered with His fingerprints.
• That Dylan Conor and Dory Kalani could "truly" be with me in heart and soul, even here on Earth.
• That forgiving myself would be ungodly painful, tearfully emotional, yet humanly possible.
• That the thought of Jesus on the cross was, is and always will be "good enough" for my sins to be forgiven.
• That when I finally get to Heaven myself, that Dylan and Dory won’t "remember" why I haven’t held, hugged or kissed them!
• That His GRACE would set me free.

I'm GLAD Someone Told Me...

• That my hurts would be made into halos’, and beauty could be made of ashes.
• That God would lead me to a life of comforting others, as He held my hand during my own recovery.
• That one day I would be blessed to talk about my unborn children to young men and women in high school and college, to congregations, at fund-raisers, during awareness campaigns, or even to my very own son.
• That by my sharing honestly with my son, my own sins.. That he would commit his life to Christ and to the miracle of defending "life" itself.
• That God truly is the most amazing, awesome, forgiving, unconditional "Father" any woman/man or child could ever know.

I’m GLAD Someone Told Me....

• To share this all with you.

SM, California