My ex-husband and I were together since 1992. He struggled with addiction and as a result he was abusive, sexually, physically and mentally. My first abortion was due to a miscarriage. This was a result of having an asthma attack and given an antibiotic that caused a miscarriage.  

My boyfriend/husband was incarcerated at this time. I have 3 living children. My husband was abusive sexually and it resulted in pregnancy. The second was after my second child was born and our home and financial situation was dire, even for my two children, who were little, 3 months and 4 years old. We had no heat and about to lose our home. 

Also, he was drinking and drugging all the time. We had separated for a couple of years, and I was able to go to school and I graduated and started a new job. I was living with my parents and they were helping me with childcare and having a home. He came back into my life and stated he was working on sobriety and wanted to work things out. I was pregnant shortly after and we were not stable in our relationship and I was afraid of not being able to care or support this child or living with him. 

Two years later I had my third child and his drinking and drugging became unmanageable and he promised to being sober and help care for my children. I had my daughter and it became worse and violent and we had to end the relationship.

I love my children, all of them and I feel devastated. I since have gone to confession and I was able to confess to the priest and he gave me absolution. I felt relief finally being able to confess it, but the pain is still there. It will always be there and not knowing where my children's souls are and never being able to hold them or see them is emotionally devastating.