I made the decision to have an abortion when I was 25 years old, in a failing marriage, and found out I was pregnant after having an affair. The affair was never going to work and neither was the marriage. I had wanted children so desperately in the marriage and my ex-husband did not. To make this decision to end this life was very difficult but it was made in fear and humiliation.  A friend from work took me one day to the local clinic to have the procedure. I didn’t meet the doctor until he walked in the room for the procedure and had no counseling previous to the procedure.  I knew immediately after the procedure was started that I had made a mistake. I could feel them pulling the life out of me, suctioning it out, and I screamed for them to stop. Please stop what you’re doing! But it was too late, as the nurses told me. It was over, it was done.  As I lay on the table shaking and sobbing, the nurses told me to gather my emotions and please leave the room.

Many years passed and I got my divorce and I finally remarried a wonderful man. We had two children two years after our marriage with no complications. It wasn’t until about seven years after the abortion that it finally reared its ugly head and I had to face it head on. My sister-in-law gave me a cassette to listen to called Tilly, and it was about a woman facing an abortion of a child and that child in heaven. After I finish listening to the tape. I had a breakdown, breakthrough? The floodgates had opened.  I finally came to grips with what I had done. I had murdered my child. I didn’t seek help.  I learn to cope with it as best I could. I read a few books on it, but it wasn’t until my boys were in high school and one of their friends came to me to tell me she just had an abortion and was having a hard time dealing with it, then I finally opened up.  

We found Rachel’s Vineyard and I decided to offer to take her so we both could heal. And it did help. I was able to name my baby, Kimberly, light a candle for her and know that someday I would finally meet her in Heaven. I was finally able to ask and receive forgiveness from God for my actions. And I have shared my story since then. I humbly hope I can stop someone from making the same mistake I made, and not go through the tears of anguish and guilt.  And, that is why I am silent no more!