At the age of 17, I had been raised in a Christian home, but we had had left church and we’re not practicing faith and had become involved in politics, due to my father’s career. My parents had believed the lie that there was not human life at conception.  Although I was taught right from wrong I was not taught the truth of dignity of the human body. I was raised in a family where girls and boys were raised by a double standard, therefore being confused about why girls were not to have sex before marriage, however boys were almost expected to; I was naturally confused. 

Unfortunately, I found myself pregnant at 17 and ashamed that I had allowed this to happen to me. I knew without a doubt that my parents would take me for an abortion because it happened to my cousin. Out of shame that I was pregnant, I borrowed money from my best friend’s mother who kept the confidence.  My boyfriend and I were together until after the abortion when I started suffering guilt that I didn’t understand nor could explain so we broke up. 

This began years of guilt and not understanding the pain and the feeling of unworthiness. I never sought out healing until after the birth of my first child at age 33. This was the first step to understanding my struggles. I was listening to my daughter’s heartbeat and my tears were sadness for my first child because at that point I understood my feelings on the table of the abortion clinic. I had felt so scared and afterwards I felt so lost and alone.  It wasn’t until I started a Bible study at my church that one morning when I drove up seeing all the crosses that were displayed for the anniversary of Roe vs Wade that I was convicted to tell these women my story.  I was so scared, but they embraced me and invited me to share my story and be involved in the pro-life movement.

It was three years later that I attended Rachel‘s Vineyard, a beautiful experience of healing. I was blessed that a priest joined me at the retreat when finally naming my son. Baptizing him spiritually brought peace to my life.