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Loving Forgiveness
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Kathy
Missouri,
United States
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I had an abortion because I was selfish. I already loved my baby, but the pervasive culture of death in 1980 (even more so now) convinced me of all the feminist lies, i.e., 'It's my body', 'It's not really a baby', 'You can and should do whatever you want with your own sexuality, and certainly that extends to your baby-which-isn't-really-a-baby', etc., etc.
The procedure was the most brutal thing I'd ever experienced myself or observed (and I was a nurse then, not a lawyer, so I'd seen plenty). So was the 'postpartum' examination.
After the killing I felt brutal and heartless, too, just like the people who'd aborted me. I knew I'd done something horrible. But everyone around me had had abortions too, and they never said anything so I tried to 'act like' I was a 'good feminist' and didn't feel like my heart was broken. I knew I was a murderer and I kept wondering why no one noticed the complete difference in me. I'd always been so compassionate, rescuing injured animals; and of course, compassion was my profession, nursing.
I didn't realize the full horror of what I'd done to my helpless child-whose first line of defense I, his mother, was-for 17 years. Then one day I was at my Veterinarian's, watching a little dog struggle to survive after it had been the only one kept from a late-term abortion (the other viable puppies were just killed). This puppy was way pre-term and at death's door. But we took such pains with him that he survived. I saw how much this little guy wanted to live! And that flashed me back immediately to my baby. I was instantly convicted of the horror I had done; and into the bargain, I was paralyzed with horror that I'd done such a terrible thing; such an unthinkable horror. I was the most compassionate person I knew-by this time I was launched on what I still do today: Dog rescue. So I was just...completely horrified at myself.
I found help and forgiveness through Holy Mother Church and the Sacrament of Penance (Confession). The first priest I approached was 'Novus Ordo' and he tried to treat this grave sin as de minimis, i.e., 'Oh, no need to get on your knees, it's not really a sin, just a choice you made, blah, blah, blah'. I left that priest and found the true Church, the Latin-Rite pre-Vatican II Church. There, the enormity of my sin was acknowledged, but fast upon the heels of that came Christ's loving forgiveness through His 'Alter Christus', a holy priest. Some time later I went through 'Project Rachel'. And then, I became involved, a Pro-Life activist.
Aside from the work I do as a lawyer-defending my beloved Church through defense of our 1st Amendment, my pro-life work is the most important part of my life.
I want to close by saying that I think the main emphasis should be on the baby, not the woman. That should be secondary. Otherwise it just becomes more-of-the-same selfishness, just as the feminists make it.
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