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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion
 

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Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously


 
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God Redeems All Things
Nichole
North Carolina, United States

At the young age of sixteen, I was looking for love in all the wrong places and soon found myself pregnant. Confused and naïve, I had no idea what I was going to do. I had no relationship or thought of God, but I did have a tiny hope in my heart that made me want to keep the baby. At that time, I shared with my mom that I was pregnant. She asked me what I was going to do. She waited silently for an answer, but I was too afraid to tell her that I wanted to keep my child. As she waited for my response, I finally I uttered what I believed she wanted to hear, “I’ll have an abortion.” Immediately, I felt the small inkling of hope within diminish. Blame toward my mother rushed into my heart.  

After the procedure, I went home and slept. As I woke up the next morning, I believed that I had successfully stuffed into the depths of my being all despair and regret. Two weeks later, I remember waking up feeling devastated, hoping it was a terrible nightmare, but also confused, empty, lost, broken, and shocked. I felt as though a piece of me was left at that cold, dead, hopeless place when I walked out that evening. I believed that the only one to blame was the one who made me do it, my mother. I remained a subconsciously ashamed individual for the next 14 years of my life. In my heart and mind, she (my mother) made me do it, not me. I was the victim, and it was as if she had held me down and forced me (which she didn’t).    

When I met Jesus in a glorious way at the age of 22, I said to Him, “Lord I give you everything, I hold nothing back!” He so gently touched that unhealed hurt. Yet I recoiled and remember saying, “No, I was the victim there.” God is a gentleman. If we refuse to give Him something, He will not just take it.

So, for the next eight years of knowing Him, I wasn’t free. I sang about the Chain Breaker but carried around my own chains. I was full of shame, regret, and condemnation, because I had agreed with it for 14 years of my life.

My heart’s desire was closeness with Him and to really know the Holy Spirit. I desired to feel His presence, but I could never figure out what I was doing wrong! I mediated on the Word for eight years and prayed. My prayers were answered but felt that no “stirring the gift within you” was possible for me. Whenever I tried, it was as if I was trying to walk through heavy thick mud. But I never lost hope. I held true to God’s promises: “Seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened.” I kept asking for closeness.

One day the Lord said so clearly to me, “I’m going to take you deeper.” I was overjoyed! For this was everything I had wanted! Two weeks later, He reminded me of the unhealed, unrepented abortion and demolished the walls I had built around it. For two days, I experienced a festering hurt, until I finally surrendered it to Him. When I did, He lifted the shame as if it were a stray hair.

A week later, I found an abortion recovery ministry at a local church. Through their 10-week healing Bible study, the Lord was able to work wonders in my heart and mind. I acknowledged fault, forgave my mother and myself, and found deliverance and emotional healing in ways that I didn’t know were possible.  
  
I am truly honored and humbled to be a daughter of a King!  My journey has ignited in me a passion to educate women and extend hope after an abortion, as well as walk alongside them to lead them through it.

Beautiful Redemption is a ministry I started at my church and functions as a voice for women who need encouragement, hope, and healing from the One and only Redeemer.
If I can leave all who have experienced this with one word, it would be redemption; God redeems all things.

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