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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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Sue's 2020 March for Life Testimony
Texas, United States

I had my first abortion in January 1980, 40 years ago, when I was 16 years old because I was a good girl and I didn’t want my family or friends to know that I had gotten pregnant. I had my second abortion 14 years later because the baby's father, the man I was engaged to marry, told me that the only way we could stay together was to abort the baby. I wanted the baby, but I didn’t want to lose him. He lied to me. After the abortion, he left any way.

During both abortion procedures, I was treated like I was on an assembly line that had time limits to get me and everyone else through. I was not a person. I was just a source of revenue. I was awake for both. I never saw the doctors. I only saw the nurses. The second one was so painful, but there was nothing I could do.

Immediately after the first abortion, I was relieved that the unwanted, unplanned pregnancy was no longer a problem. I thought that I could get on with my life. After the second one, the immediate effects were very different. I came home that night and wanted God to take my life. I didn’t want to wake up the next morning. I couldn’t face what I had done.

As time went on after the first abortion, effects manifested themselves over the years without me realizing the cause. I was very depressed. I had low self-esteem. I became an emotional eater and gained a lot of weight. I became very promiscuous. After the second one, I thought I knew what to expect but the effects were more intense. I suffered from severe depression, guilt, and regret that were overwhelming. I was affected physically. I continued to overeat to kill the emotional pain and I suffered from physical pain from the stress of carrying the guilt. Every year I remembered the dates of my two abortions, and I remembered the dates that my two babies were supposed to have been born. After I got married, I didn’t know if I could get pregnant or stay pregnant. My husband and I had two sons but had complications during both pregnancies. We also suffered three miscarriages between them. All the problems were more than likely consequences of the abortions. 

I found help and forgiveness over several years. I took a Forgiven and set free Bible study and ten years later I took a Surrendering the Secret Bible study. These changed my life. I was finally able to accept God's forgiveness for both abortions and forgive myself. God traded my grief, despair, and guilt for healing and hope. I am truly forgiven and set free and no longer have a secret. I know that my five children Sarah Elizabeth, Maggie Jane, Grace Noel, Joseph Benjamin, and Julia Bell are in heaven and I will see them again some day. I have since been working with the Abortion Hurts God Heals ministry and The Justice Foundation to help women heal from their abortions. I am silent no more!


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